Last night we took a friend out for a curry. Her telephone rang (bad person, phone on, restaurant!). It was a close relative in distress because her best friend had refused to speak to her for over a month; wouldn't return calls or texts etc etc. She had brought this on herself by addressing a difficult issue between them by text rather than face to face, so the best friend had simply withdrawn.

If you are going to criticise only do it in love (Gordon and David, kiss and make up right now, shouting at each other on question time like that) and have the courage to do it face to face. Only yesterday I saw on my FB page one of my daughter's being publicly critical of another daughter. (I have now 'hidden' them both so will no longer be privy to their bickerings; if FB is to do any good at all it's got to be for better things than being hostile or critical)

I sometimes wonder if any of us ever get beyond the nursery stage when it comes to communicating with fellow human beings in difficult situations. Here's 3 helpful steps to take when we get the silent treatment, silence being the worst kind of feedback, hammering our insecurities with its uncertainties.

1.     Accept that you don't know what the silence really means: Don't fill in the blanks with your own insecurities. (and don't try telling me you're not insecure; at my great age I still struggle with it)

2.    Ask for clarity: Reach out to the person and ask why they are not responding. What did you do to upset them? How can you put it right?

3.    Believe the response: too busy, just forgot; don't read between the lines, accept it as truth and move on.

In the situation in the restaurant the 2 people live in the same street, but they can't face the pain of a face to face meeting which could possibly bring them closer together. Now, go and knock on your best friends door and make friends again. (Oh, help from Harvard Business Review on this one, also Peter Bregman's book if you want more)